I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
