I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
