do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
