My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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