if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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