Umm I'm too high to move.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The beer is more important than you right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
