i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
