i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
