Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
