somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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