The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
