My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
