so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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