sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
