yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
