I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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