I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
