and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
