All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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