Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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