How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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