I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
