:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
