So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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