I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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