I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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