Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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