You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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