You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
