i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
