Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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