Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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