You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
