I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
