you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
