Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
