Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
