Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So here I am, sexting at work.
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