East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
