I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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