Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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