the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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