Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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