just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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