i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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