I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
