need another drink. this is the easiest way
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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