Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
