TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
