did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
