if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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