This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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