We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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